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Will is banged up that the Phillies are down 3 to 1 against the Yankees, and everyone in the back office are busting his balls about it. Waahh!

Howard thinks that’s stupid. “You’ve got to get a grip on yourself,” he said.

But Will is a nut. He gets drunk, and thrown out of Phillies and Eagles games for yelling insults. Once he even jumped on the back of a woman wearing a Vikings jersey.

Howard didn’t like that, saying, “Who at 31 years old goes to a ball park and starts yelling out homo?”

But Will insists he’s calmed down a lot. He’s cantankerous now because he and his wife are trying to have kids, but having problems.

Will had cancer as a kid, and chemo left him sterile, so they’re not sure what to do.

They might have to adopt, use a sperm donor, or get his balls cut open, so the doctors can search for sperm. Howard said not to do that.

He offered to help him. “Jerk me off into a cup,” said Howard, “I want you to jerk me off, but into a Yankees cup,” or Robin could do something, “I bet you can get some sperm out of Will, with those big G’s.”

Howard thinks Will’s wife needs to get over it. “Tell her to get a hobby,” he insisted, “I’ll tell her to collect stamps.” Plus he wants Will to get some help to deal with all this bullshit.

But Will is a macho-type, and won’t go to therapy.

UPDATE: Howard thinks Will’s cancer left him with a lot of mental issues. Will needs to get some help.

UPDATE: Will is considering the ball-splicing operation, or maybe he’ll use his brothers sperm. But its just a thought at this point. Howard said don’t fucking do it.

UPDATE: Howard told Will to come talk to him before he makes his final decision.

UPDATE: Will would be okay if Howard was the father. But Howard doesn’t want Will raising his kid.

UPDATE: Artie asked who the worst donor would be. Howard said Gary is horrible because of the teeth, but Benjy is the worst overall. Artie thinks its Richard, or Robin. Fred picked Jason. Jason agreed, he is freaked out about his fatness and back hair. Jason thinks he’s part animal.