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The Hollywood Gossip

Comedian Dane Cook said at one point he had 2.5 million followers on Myspace, and that helped build up his enormous popularity.

When Dane was starting out, and struggling he used the internet to put himself out there.

“I would just post anything, even if it was unfinished jokes,” he said. Now Dane sells out Madison Square Garden, over and over again.

But Dane admitted he sucked for a long while, saying, “The first ten years are absolutely cringe-worthy.”

Growing up, Dane’s hero was Steve Martin, and after watching him, he said, “I’m going to play Madison Square Garden some day.”

But Dane gets a lot of shit, mostly for being a hack, and stealing material. Comics like Joe Rogan and Louis C.K. have blasted him about it.

So Dane wrote Louis a heartfelt letter, and now they’re friends, and perform together.

Although, Dane wasn’t always a big time funny guy. He revealed that as a kid he was a nervous dork, vomiting before school, and lost his virginity to his homely-looking girlfriend.

Then Howard asked Dane about his money troubles. Dane talked about how is brother, and former business manager, stole $11 million from him, but he couldn’t go into details because the case is ongoing.

Dane was shocked by the whole thing, because he and his brother were close, saying, “[He was] someone I talked to literally every day of my life.” But little did Dane know the fucker was robbing him blind.

His brother was an ex-corrections officer. Dane joked, “I hired him to protect my money, not to help it escape!”

Dane has had some interesting dalliances with famous chicks. He dated Jessica Simpson, and was accused by Jessica Alba of doing extra love scenes so he could make out with girls.

He called bullshit on that. Dane emailed Jessica, and she said it was “misconstrued.” But nowadays, Dane has a smoking hot girl friend. That’s her in the picture, Costa Rican singer Raquel Houghton, but she isn’t singing now, due to a bad tonsillectomy.

Howard asked, “What got caught in her throat?”

In addition to comedy, Dane claims to be great at phone sex. He can even get away with using the word “cunt.” But you have to say it lovingly, like, “Oh baby, you’re a cunt.” Howard tried it, and failed. Dane said it sounded like Howard sat on something.

The key is to imagine, Dane pretends to be a secret agent infiltrating a base. Robin didn’t like that. “I would keep that phone call going, and call the cops on the other line,” she said.

Dane also admitted he doesn’t drink or do drugs, because if he started he would go nuts with it, like Artie. Dane said, “I look at Artie and feel like he’s me in another dimension.”

Catch Dane at the New York Comedy Festival this Thursday.