SternShowBlog.com

CMLboogs

Porn star Kayden Kross and AVN’s Paul Fishbein were in studio today to vote for the “world’s saddest virgin.”

Right away, Howard was taken with Kayden.

“I think you’re too good looking for porn,” he said. “But I like my porn career,” Hayden replied.

Porn is great for Kayden. She has real orgasms in all her videos, and loves getting fucked up the ass.

“I love it,” said Hayden, “I do so much more in my personal life, than I do on film.”

But Kayden wasn’t getting anal today. Instead, she and Paul came by to help pick the world’s saddest virgin, with the winner getting a trip to the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas.

So three train wrecks marched into the studio, but only one could be the winner.

First up was Peter a slow Asian with a speech impediment. He had an elephant-sized girlfriend three years ago, but never felt her up. Peter said she was only into him for his money. He loads cars at Lowe’s and makes twelve bucks an hour, plus tips.

Howard asked Peter what sex is. So he answered, “With penis, and viditity.” Peter didn’t know what jerking off was either, but was pretty sure he wanted to see Kayden’s twat, “Yes, peas!” Kayden quickly broke out her pussy, tits, and ass. Nice!

AIPdaily

Peter claimed Bruce Lee’s son trained him in karate, but it turns out he only saw some of his movies. Still, Howard told Peter not to worry about being slow.

“There are a few people in here who are too,” Howard remarked, “So join the club.”

Next was wheelchair bound, cerebral palsy stricken Alex. Alex has it rough. He’s never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl.

Since Alex can’t control his arms, he can’t beat off. His mom has to put his porn into the DVD player.

And because his speech is so fucked up, Alex can’t even use a voice-controlled computer to get porn. Howard said Alex tried to do it, but instead of “porn” he got back, “four maps of Poland.”

Alex only likes normal chicks. He’s not into cerebral palsy girls. “Well, what are they going to do with each other,” asked Robin.

So Howard insisted, “Kayden you would be a saint if you showed him your vagina.” She did it, and Alex said, “Fank you.”

The last sad virgin was Richard the Hairy Mole Guy. Richard was on the show before. He’s got a terrible affliction that covers his body and his face with hairy moles, but Howard doesn’t think its that horrible.

“I’m looking at you now and you don’t look that bad,” said Howard, “You look better than me.” But Howard’s endorsement didn’t help Richard in Las Vegas; when Artie tried to get him a hooker, both high-priced whores and street skanks wouldn’t touch him.

Celebrity Picker

Richard is desperate. He’ll take anything. “Any girl,” he said, “I want to bang.” Richard would even fuck a blind girl.

To help, Kayden whipped out her kooch again. “I want to do her right now,” urged Richard, “I want to cum right now.”

So now it was time to pick a winner, just who would get to go to the AVN’s with smoking hot Kayden.

“This is a really sad contest,” Howard admitted, “This is very, very tough.”

Robin, Paul, Kayden, Fred, and Howard all got votes.

Alex was the unanimous choice, so Howard and Fred’s votes were moot. Alex tugged at Robin’s heart strings.

And both Kayden and Paul think Peter and Richard can get hookers, because they have jobs and money. Um, no. Alex doesn’t work.

But before Kayden left, she opened wide for the Sybian. She had fucked one before, and liked it. “It was intense,” said Kayden, “And I think I didn’t have sex for three days.”

So Kayden hopped on and fired it up. “I know Gary needs a mask,” Howard remarked, “Maybe the contestants do too.”

It only took two seconds and 20% power to get Kayden’s rocks off. “That was a little fast Howard,” insisted Gary, “She might need another one.” But she didn’t. Fuck!