Howard didn’t clear up the American Idol chatter. Is he going to replace Simon Cowell or not?
Who the fuck knows!
“I’m not really going to comment on discussions I might or might not have had,” Howard said, “If I told you half the shit I get offered your head would spin.”
But Howard would make a great judge.
“I’m going to be frank with people,” Howard insisted, “I’m going to wear a big badge on my chest. There’s a whole new sheriff in town.”
Howard won’t pull any punches.
“I want to be the one to break the kids’ hearts,” Howard said.
He would hand people like Sanjaya a cab license, Clay Aiken an usher’s uniform, and he’d send Fantasia Barrino to McDonald’s, or a nail salon.
Fantasia can’t read, so that might be a problem. Plus Fantasia is a beast.
“Honey you look like you stepped out of a Haitian earthquake,” exclaimed Howard, “You look like my old producer Baba Booey dipped in chocolate.”
But if Howard took the job it’d be a major shakeup for American Idol. He’d run Ellen Degeneres and Ryan Seacrest out of town.
“If I came in there, it’s going to be a like an exodus,” says Howard, “Like the Jews leaving Egypt.”
First he’d be all over Ellen and her man panties, saying, “Ellen Degeneres looks like she smelled a sour fucking fart in a room full of nuns.”
And “Seacrest out” would get it too.
“You know how they always hint that Ryan’s gay. “I’d just say you’re gay,” says Howard, “Ryan you’re such a woman I’m going to enter you. I’m going to make you my bitch.”
Randy would also get his fair share. Howard would put him in a sumo outfit, and, “Every time Randy calls someone dog I’m going to slap the shit out of him,” said Howard.
But when Gary came into the studio looking for a straight answer, Howard wouldn’t confirm or deny any serious interest in the job.
Gary better hope Howard doesn’t take it, or Baba Booey is finished. He’ll have to go deliver pizzas.
“Now that Howard left for Idol and I got to be honest to you, this is the only the job I could get,” said Howard as Gary.
And Gary would go door to door riding Scott the Engineer’s back.
Or Howard could bring Gary with him. He’d be great for the voting. Howard joked, “We could write the kids’ phone number on your teeth!”
Personally, I hope Howard doesn’t do it. That means I’d have to watch that fruity show. I’d rather slam my cock in a sliding glass door for an hour a week.
Written by Gerald "Gerry" Pugliese on Monday, February 8, 2010
Posted in: Gary (Baba Booey), Howard, Media Watch, Television, Topics from the Show