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Eric the Midget called up after a month hiatus. Not self-imposed, Howard just didn’t pick up on him. So the little guy was pissed about that. “A lot of times it’s hit or miss with you,” Howard told Eric, “The problem is I don’t know if you are going to be good or bad. I get gun [...]

Baba Booey is a “pretentious” TV producer – Sam Simon isn’t a comedy writer

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Gary got slammed for his “TV terms” again. “The point is pretentious people like you are trying to make the business more complicated,” Howard told faux- television producer Gary. Howard read an email from Sam Simon saying he’s never heard of the term “dark.” Gary thought Sam was just trying to be funny, calling him an “aspiring comedy [...]

Baba Booey still thinks he’s a TV producer – “We’re going dark boss’th!”

Monday, March 8, 2010

Gary got ripped for using television terms for radio again, like going “dark” when the show is away. But radio doesn’t go dark. “On radio you say we go on vacation,” barked Howard, “We don’t go dark!” But Gary replied, “I’ll pull you ten fucking emails, can you please tells us when you’re dark.” Robin told Howard, Gary “speaks [...]

Abe “The Heartless” wins “cockaoke” – this is “American Cockoake Idol”

Thursday, March 4, 2010

“Cockoake” returned to the Stern Show today. Five unknown bands competed for a chance to have their music played on the show and win $5,000. And Sal got a bunch of guys to breathe on his cock. Howard called all five bands into the studio, none of them knowing the price of fame involved singing into Sal’s [...]

Robin doesn’t check her email – her “box” is too full

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Lady Quivers is a bad email checker. It’s a two day delay with her. So Howard won’t send Robin anything. It pisses Gary off too. Robin uses AOL and every time Gary sends her something, it bounces back because her inbox is full. Gary said, “They give you so much room, how full can your box really be?” “Robin’s [...]

Gary the future TV producer – but he’s “incompetent”

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Gary got hit with more ball busting today. This time 14 minutes before Howard went on The CBS Morning Show. “Hard out boss’th” Howard asked a CBS producer how Gary was doing. “We are all very impressed,” the producer said. So Robin replied, “What were you impressed by, be specific?” The guy really liked the studio and thought Howard’s [...]

Baba Booey is a TV expert – “hard out boss’th”

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

With Howard going on The CBS Early Show this morning, the studio is a buzz with preparation. Gary is in a frenzy. He’s throwing around all sorts of big boy television production words. “Boss’th we have a ‘hard out’ after the two ‘live hits’ this morning, then we’re going to go ‘dark,’” Howard-Gary said, “You’re a hard [...]

Howard goes from “shock jock” to gay “scarf jock”

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

That’s it. Howard might really be gay; belly shaving, man purse, and now scarves. A caller pointed out Howard’s latest “fashion” accessory today. “I’ve been wearing a scarf almost everyday, and it feels great,” Madame Howard announced. According to GQ magazine, scarves are all the rage. “I would like all workers here to wear scarves,” says Howard, “It [...]

Howard’s Artie update – “he is doing his very best”

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

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Some cunt called up demanding new information on Artie today, instead of relentless American Idol talk. After berating the woman, Howard admitted he doesn’t have an update. But Howard misses Artie, wishes him well, and wants him to recover. “I don’t have one clue what’s going on with Artie,” says Howard, “We don’t have a bit of information.” Not [...]

Howard to take over “American Idol” – he wouldn’t confirm or deny it

Monday, February 8, 2010

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Howard didn’t clear up the American Idol chatter. Is he going to replace Simon Cowell or not? Who the fuck knows! “I’m not really going to comment on discussions I might or might not have had,” Howard said, “If I told you half the shit I get offered your head would spin.” But Howard would make a great [...]

Howard says Super Bowl parties are stupid – so are Gary’s stools

Thursday, February 4, 2010

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Howard doesn’t like Super Bowl parties, especially if Fred is throwing it. “I don’t want to sit there with you, it’s scary,” barked Howard, “It can’t be fun.” Howard’s being gay about this. Go wash your pussy! “I don’t like sitting there with a bunch of guys watching the broadcast,” says Howard. Howard’s bitch Ralph agreed. Shocking! Both fags don’t [...]

“Welcome To The Boomtown” – “Boss’th, I love me dis’ song.”

Thursday, February 4, 2010

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Gary fires up the turntable in his enclosure and swings to “Welcome To The Boomtown” by David and David. Yucko said Ba Ba Booey can play records with his teeth, like the jukebox from The Flintstones. Score a few points for the disgusting clown. “He should wear a giant toothbrush around his neck,” joked Howard, “Or [...]

“Gadget Gary’s” swastika medallion – “Gadget Ralph” knows more

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

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Howard finally turned his guns towards Gary’s appearance on Geraldo at Large. “Hey Gary, what’s the best gadget to play solitaire on?” Howard asked. It was revealed today that Baba Brainless shockingly wins computer solitaire 80% of the time. Howard isn’t surprised that the Gadget Gary title stuck. If you give yourself a title, sooner or later [...]

Benjy says “three-fifths of a person” isn’t in the constitution

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

“Arguing with Benjy, this is a guy who has night terrors,” barked Howard, “He dresses like a cat burglar.” Howard was referring to the shmata on Benjy’s head. “I want to look like a fat skier,” Fred’s Benjy joked. Benjy started arguing with Howard over the Scott DePace corporate money thing; somehow that matriculated into insisting blacks being [...]

“Ghost Town” – Charred Walls of the Damned

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Here’s “Ghost Town” by Richard Christy’s band Charred Walls of the Damned. “I like the damned. They’re my favorite.” Gary’s son Lucas really likes it. I don’t know. It sounds like someone singing over a bag of wrenches being thrown down the front steps. Richard said he hears voices in his head who tell him to [...]

“Techno Beaver” talks gadgets on Geraldo at Large — UPDATE –

Monday, February 1, 2010

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Baba Booey escaped from his cage yesterday and dropped by Geraldo at Large on Fox News to give his two monkey cents on the movie Avatar, and gadgets like the iPod and iPad. But what the fuck is with the giant medallion he’s wearing? Papa Pimpy. UPDATE: Gary really likes the gadgets. Howard said Gary gives [...]

Gary’s phlegm ruins Howard’s morning – Howard makes Gary nervous

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Baba Booey’s bodily functions were in full effect this morning. No, not his green teeth and gums, but the foulness lurking behind those choppers. “Gary’s particularly phlegmy today,” Howard said to start off the show, “I thought I was going to vomit at one point, just listening to him clearing his throat.” Robin rotten egged—err, egged—Howard on, [...]

Gary and Yucko the Clown do battle – sad clown versus solitaire monkey — UPDATE –

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

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Yucko called up and outed Gary for playing solitaire during The Wrap-up Show. Gary didn’t deny it, but he blamed it on the shtick coma, saying, “Sometimes Benjy goes on these tangents and I lose steam.” Oh, that is steam NOT smoke coming out of his ears. “It’s a good game boss’th,” Howard said, “It requires no thought [...]

Is black Gary still a monkey?

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

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Ass Napkin Ed—who wants to be called “King of All Naps” now—had a question for Howard, asking, “If Gary was black, would you still call him a monkey?” Despite his resemblance to the missing link, no, Howard would not. “You can’t call a black guy a monkey,” he replied, “It’s not going to fly.” “Did you know [...]

Hijinx at the Jon Hein Bar Mitzvah – Richard drinks, Tim eats, Sal fucks with Gary

Monday, January 11, 2010

Jon Hein’s daughter’s Bat Mitzvah was this weekend, and lots of the Stern crew attended, but not Howard. Everybody behaved—no Sal panty-sniffing—but plenty of shit still went down, like Sal fucking with Gary, turning off the televisions playing the Jets game. Howard explained, “Sal took it upon himself that whenever Gary was watching the game, Sal would [...]

Howard knows the “maggot” who squealed about Artie

Monday, January 11, 2010

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Gary found out the name of the guy who tipped off TMZ about Artie’s suicide attempt. Howard said he is a well known person, with an important position at a company. The guy emailed TMZ under the name “Jane Doe,” but somehow did it using Gary’s email address, and when TMZ emailed him back, they copied his [...]

Quick bullets: Howard keeps Artie’s mic on. Gary gets rubber duckies for Christmas. Richard’s marriage is screwed.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

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Real fast, here’s some more shit that went down on the show. Hey now! Howard doesn’t understand how rich kids, like the now dead Casey Johnson, grow up so fucked up. He guessed that, “Those rich kids don’t have to work towards anything, they kind of get lost in the abyss.” And Robin said, “One of [...]

Quick bullets: It’s really called Stern “Fag” Network. Ashley Dupre bails again. Gary spreads for “GameRoom Magazine.”

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Real fast, here’s some more shit that went down on the show. Hey now! An emailer wrote in calling people on Stern “Fan” Network “zit-faced virgins” and saying, “These people are such nothings, they’re even jealous of J.D.” But best of all, he referred to Stern Fan Network as “Stern Fag Network.” Nice! Gary revealed celebrity super [...]

$100,000 prize for the Tiger Woods beauty pageant

Monday, January 4, 2010

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Howard was excited to announce that Ashley Madison put up a $100,000 prize for the Tiger Woods’s mistress beauty pageant. Gary claims he just talked to a girl who fucked Tiger, but her story has yet to make the news. “This is going to be big, we’re going to have a lot of celebrities,” Howard joked, “I [...]

History of Howard Stern – Gary Puppet’s abduction, Fred’s bachelor party, the Cleveland Funeral, “Old Black O.J.”

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

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“We have been sabotaged by radio station MMS. It’s radio D-Day,” barked General Howard, “By the powers invested in me by the FCC, I now declare this war!” That tirade during the Cleveland funeral when the engineer at a rival radio station clipped the wires to Howard’s broadcast feed. And don’t forget “Old Black O.J.” and the [...]

History of Howard Stern – “New Year’s Rotten Eve,” Howard’s book signings, Jerry Seinfeld’s “17 year old” girlfriend

Friday, December 25, 2009