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Eric the Midget is “hit or miss” – he doesn’t have claws
Eric the Midget called up after a month hiatus. Not self-imposed, Howard just didn’t pick up on him. So the little guy was pissed about that. “A lot of times it’s hit or miss with you,” Howard told Eric, “The problem is I don’t know if you are going to be good or bad. I get gun [...]
Continue reading...King of All Blacks’ baby has a black penis – but the kid’s got “good hair”
Monday, March 8, 2010
King of All Blacks welcomed a son this weekend. The same kid a doctor magically changed from a girl to a boy in the womb. But to King’s chagrin, the boy was born with an abnormally black cock. “It is black, like darker than me,” King said, “But he’s light skinned.” King hopes his skin color evens out. [...]
Continue reading...Miss Howard Stern is pissed at the Tiger Woods’ pageant
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Breaking her silence after slamming her head against the pavement in a brutal car accident, Miss Howard Stern Andrea called up and berated young Will. Howard played the call today. Andrea thinks the “Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant” will strip her of her title. The word “miss” and it being associated with the show confuses her. “This is why [...]
Continue reading...Beetlejuice has an iPhone app – he fucked Tiger’s wife with a nine-iron
Monday, March 1, 2010
The Beet was in studio today, promoting his new 3D talking bobble head iPhone app. But at first, Beetlejuice was missing in action. “We think he’s in the bathroom taking a shit,” said Doug Goodstein; the vaunted guest bathroom. Howard didn’t like that, so he yelled at Gary. “Come on that’s disgusting,” barked Howard, “You know Beetle shits [...]
Continue reading...Janks pranks the Hawaii tsunami – “Steve Langford’s mother’s a cunt”
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Captain Janks strikes again. “Barry Hershaw” pranks KOHN Hawaii’s live coverage of today’s tsunami scare. Berry gets anchor Kirk Matthews not once, but twice. Thanks to “Steve Langford” for sending it over. “I want you to go to jail for this!”
Continue reading...Medicated Pete bobble head app – “yeah, yeah” — UPDATE — Beetlejuice booble head, who me?
Friday, February 26, 2010
For three bucks, you can get a little Medicated Pete action put right in the palm of your hand with the Medicated Pete talking 3D bobble head iPhone app. That’s disco Pete. Oh okay, now I can see why a six-foot blonde is banging him. What the fuck! And best of all, it’s “Purple Rain” karaoke Pete [...]
Continue reading...Captain Janks pranks ESPN as Brian Westbrook — UPDATE — ESPN producers threatening Janks
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Here’s Captain Janks pranking ESPN anchor Scott Van Pelt. Janks pretends to be running back Brian Westbrook, who was just cut by the Philadelphia Eagles. Brian might be out of a job, but he’s way more concerned about Howard Stern’s prostate. Hey now! Gary said he felt bad because Scott is a huge fan of the [...]
Continue reading...Jeff the Drunk strokes out – he realizes it two days later UPDATE – Jeff has Bell’s Palsy
Thursday, February 11, 2010
But he looks so healthy! Jeff left Gary a message, while he was driving to the hospital, saying, “I had a stroke on Sunday night, and I just realized it about an hour ago.” “That’s unbelievably retarded,” Howard told Jeff on the phone today. Jeff explained that he didn’t feel good after a Super Bowl party on Sunday, [...]
Continue reading...Pete the Asian Virgin gets some sex – likes smelly ass and pussy
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
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Pete the Asian Virgin, from “The Saddest Virgin Contest,” stopped by today with a big announcement, something—err, someone—fucked him. Shocking that he could even find the pussy! Howard asked, “Do you know what pussy is?” “Pussy is girl has it,” Pete replied, “On the bottom.” And apparently he’s a retarded cocksman. He told Howard he fucked a new chick—not [...]
Continue reading...Medicated Pete is full of shtick – he needs to be aborted
Thursday, January 28, 2010
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“You’re full of shit, everybody is so sick of you already,” Ronnie told Pete, “I’ve created a fucking monster!” Ronnie is tired of Pete’s whole deal, including his website and selling t-shirts. Speaking of shirts, Howard noticed Pete’s shirt was all wet. No, Pete didn’t vomit on himself. According to Pete, he luxuriates in bathrooms and splashes around. [...]
Continue reading...High Pitch Erik is not that retarded – he’s smarter than a fifth grader
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
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High Pitch Erik isn’t so dumb. “Erik took an evaluation, a test, and it said here that you’re not retarded,” Howard revealed, “That your spelling is an eighth grade level and your Math is a sixth grade level.” Whoa! He’s a regular wunderkind, at forty something. But that’s bad news for Erik, since he’s trying to prove he [...]
Continue reading...“Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant” – three girls locked in
Monday, January 25, 2010
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“What’s up Howard,” slurred Jeff the Drunk, “I want to know about Tiger Woods. How’s that contest coming along?” Howard revealed a great update. “Actually, it’s coming along very well,” he replied, “We’ve already locked in three of his former mistresses to compete for the $100,000 prize.” Ashley Madison is putting up the money. Awesome! But Howard said they [...]
Continue reading...Eric the Midget’s “American Idol” show is back – but if JD listens to it, he’s fired!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
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Eric the Midget wanted to know if anyone pulled clips from his American Idol show. No, nobody did. So “Media Producer” JD ran into the studio and mumbled, “You said you weren’t doing it, so I didn’t realize you were doing it, and now you are?” Too bad, because the show is good to go now, Eric [...]
Continue reading...Eric the Midget is 25 down – but he rejects his title
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Steve Langford reported that Eric’s moniker made The New York Times crossword puzzle. Here it is. Eric is 25 downer–err, down. “I got to tell you Eric, you got to embrace ‘the midget’ now. Stop trying to run from it,” Howard told the angry midget,” Eric, you’re in The New York Times as ‘Eric the Midget,’ [...]
Continue reading...Captain Janks out of jail – keeps his rank
Thursday, January 21, 2010
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Captain Janks called up after a long absence, due to his legal and drug problems stemming from his “no show road show,” as Steve Langford puts it. Janks told Howard he’s been out of jail for over a year and made a deal with the DEA. “You’re not going to rip off any more clubs?” Howard asked. Janks [...]
Continue reading...Gary and Yucko the Clown do battle – sad clown versus solitaire monkey — UPDATE –
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
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Yucko called up and outed Gary for playing solitaire during The Wrap-up Show. Gary didn’t deny it, but he blamed it on the shtick coma, saying, “Sometimes Benjy goes on these tangents and I lose steam.” Oh, that is steam NOT smoke coming out of his ears. “It’s a good game boss’th,” Howard said, “It requires no thought [...]
Continue reading...Is black Gary still a monkey?
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
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Ass Napkin Ed—who wants to be called “King of All Naps” now—had a question for Howard, asking, “If Gary was black, would you still call him a monkey?” Despite his resemblance to the missing link, no, Howard would not. “You can’t call a black guy a monkey,” he replied, “It’s not going to fly.” “Did you know [...]
Continue reading...Quick bullets: Rosie says Jay steals from Howard. Eric the Midget quits American Idol. Andy Richter is a mush.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
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Real fast, here’s some more shit that went down on the show. Hey now! Howard thinks “Posh Spice” on American Idol is super hot. “I do want to give her my sausage,” says Howard, “I’m attracted when a woman doesn’t eat.” He likes seeing her bones. Eric the Midget confirmed that he will not be bringing back [...]
Continue reading...Quick bullets: Howard and Robin are “ripped.” Benjy buys a good birthday gift. Jay Leno won’t fire Stuttering John.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
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Real fast, here’s some more shit that went down on the show. Hey now! Robin ran into Howard in Central Park yesterday, so they went running together, both of them work out a lot. “Robin and I have our various trainers, that’s why we’re so gorgeous,” Howard joked. Howard said they look ripped. Robin snickered, more [...]
Continue reading...Quick bullets: Fred’s martian name is “Miep Gies.” Sex robots are coming. Medicated Pete lied about kissing.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
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Real fast, here’s some more shit that went down on the show. Hey now! Some dumb ass ran up a bill of more than $21,000 at New York City’s Hustler Club, but doesn’t remember a thing, so he’s refusing to pay it. Howard joked, “I’m trying to get out of my mortgage payment by saying, I [...]
Continue reading...Quick bullets: Beth sends Howard a birthday cake. Mariann is to trying rehabilitate High Pitch. Howard’s mom needs a vibrator.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
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Real fast, here’s some more shit that went down on the show. Hey now! Beth had a birthday cake delievered to Howard. Howard said it was really nice looking with the Howard fist logo on it. “I wouldn’t eat that, I would just preserve it,” he remarked. But Howard let his minions eat it. Fafa Fatso [...]
Continue reading...Mariann from Brooklyn visits the king – dressed in a hazmat suit
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
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Mariann was camped out waiting for Howard today, in a hazmat suit, with a gift for Howard. So Howard let her into the studio, but was hesitant at first, saying, “I guess I’ll bring her in, but she’s so loud.” Robin said, “It’s always easier to deal with her on the phone.” “Because I can just hang up,” [...]
Continue reading...Quick bullets: Jillian’s kid to be born on Howard’s birthday. Dr. Ablow gets beaten up. Hanzi goes ape shit.
Monday, January 11, 2010
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Real fast, here’s some more shit that went down on the show. Hey now! Howard’s stalker Jillian Barberie is scheduled to have a C-section tomorrow, Howard’s birthday. But Howard wants her to name the baby after him too. “It should be Howard. That would be so great,” he insisted, “She should make me the baby’s godfather, [...]
Continue reading...High Pitch Eric out of his mom’s will – “twat cream” did it
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
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Steve Langford reported that High Pitch Eric has been written out of his dead mom’s will. So High Pitch called up to plead his case “I don’t know what the reasons are,” squealed High Pitch, but he told Howard he plans to fight it, “I have a lawyer that is going to contest the will.” But Howard knows [...]
Continue reading...Quick bullets: Johnson & Johnson heiress drops dead. Medicated Pete is Gary’s new intern. Howard is getting a cat.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
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Real fast, here’s some more shit that went down on the show. Hey now! His internship might be up, but Medicated Pete is going nowhere. To keep Pete, Gary made a special internship for him. “He’s my responsibility,” Gary said. Lots of attention for Pete, he’s becoming a star. Sal told Howard, Pete even has his [...]
Continue reading...Quick bullets: Howard has a movie festival. J.D. turns 30. Joey Boots screams “Baba Booey” everywhere!
Monday, January 4, 2010
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Real fast, here’s some more shit that went down on the show. Hey now! Howard was busy watching movies all vacation. He loved Precious, Bad Lieutenant, The Burning Plain, Trucker, The Messenger, The Road, Brothers, Up, The Hurt Locker, The Proposal, G.I. Joe, and It’s Complicated. Fuck, that’s a lot of free time! Despite his gout, [...]
Continue reading...History of Howard Stern – Howard Stern “Miss America,” Billy West leaves the show, hello Crack Head Bob, Michael Jackson’s nose melts
Friday, January 1, 2010
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Howard’s second book was almost titled Anus, or Balls, or Sloppy Seconds, or Second Coming, or Harper Collins Sucks, or Getting Away with Murder, or Howard Stern Does Number Two. Oh, the creative process. He said he settled on Miss America because his father used to call him that, but now regrets the title, and wishes [...]
Continue reading...History of Howard Stern – Fartman invades MTV, Wood Yi pervs, FCC fines, “Butt Bongo Fiesta”
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
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“I’d like to suck the soy sauce out of her bra,” said creepy Wood Yi, explaining why he banged Soon Yi, “I wanted to get a new slant on things.” History of Howard Stern rages on. Today we heard clips of Fartman taking over MTV, “Butt Bongo Fiesta,” Daniel Carver ranking Jews and homos, Ted the [...]
Continue reading...John the Stutterer’s “girlfriend” is a hooker – he licks assholes and vaginas
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
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John the Stutterer, the stutterer Howard is still talking to, stopped by today with his “girlfriend” an escort from Philadelphia. “I was excited that you have sex,” Howard admitted, “But it’s kind of sad you have to pay for it.” John said, “To make a long story short.” Howard replied, “Thank you!” John told Howard he tried [...]
Continue reading...Bigfoot has nipples on his hairy balls
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
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Howard played the Bigfoot game again. Would Bigfoot know basic sex questions Sal asked him? Long story short, no, he doesn’t. What are areolas? “Is that the hair coming off your balls?” What is the pill? “Is not to get pregnant?” What is flatulence? “Something to do with your hemorrhoids?” “I’d like to know how that’s a sex question,” kvetched [...]
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- Jabba the Rush in serious condition – "rushed" to the hospital
- Artie tries to kill himself - our Artie is still the greatest
- Gabourey Sidibe is fat and needs help - major media backlash against Howard
- Big fatso Rush Limbaugh's shitty TV feed
- Howard rips Stern Fan Network, again
- The Who stink up the Super Bowl - halftime show from hell
- Management tells Artie to stay home - he might be in trouble -- UPDATE --
- Stern Show Blog is nearing 1,000 Twitter followers
- Artie's court date set for September 30th
- The "skinny" on Artie - it's a family matter
- illneverusethis: God damn Ashley Dupre is hot as hell. I'd hit it ...
- Balloon Knot: Lena, you're completely forgetting that Howard has...
- Ronald: 'Fuck that, for $15,000 I want a girl’s tongue bur...
- Gerald "Gerry" Pugliese: Ha! Actually its good practice. I have to remember...
- IloveBlackWang: "Her association with Oprah Winfrey will be an ass...
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
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