Tag Archive | "sex & masturbation"
Tiger makes Jamie Jungers fly coach – she’s a hot “little teacup”
First to brave the studio was Jamie Jungers. “Jamie, you are one hot babe, good God!” Howard exclaimed, “I can see why Tiger carried on with you.” Howard called her a “hot tomato.” Too funny! Jamie says she met Tiger Woods in Las Vegas during a charity event at the Bellagio. They hooked up right away, but [...]
Continue reading...“Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant” – Jamie Grubbs, Loredana Jolie, Jamiee Jungers, bare all
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Tiger’s worst nightmare just came true. Howard’s monstrosity the “Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant” went down today. Three of Tiger’s former mistresses spilled the beans on the world’s greatest golfer: Jamie Grubbs, Loredana Jolie, and Jamiee Jungers. Las Vegas sports books actually placed odds on who would show up: Jamie Grubs +500, Jamiee Jungers +500, and Loredana [...]
Continue reading...Tommy James rocks out in studio – likes shooting his pool
Monday, March 8, 2010
Music legend Tommy James, from Tommy James & The Shondells, dropped by today. Tommy sounded really good. Howard said he used to see Tommy on television as a kid. “I remember watching you on TV and thinking this guy must get tons of pussy,” Howard told Tommy,” It’s insane! Tommy dodged the question. He had some “good [...]
Continue reading...Scott DePace’s asshole is for sale – that pussy costs $1 billion
Monday, March 8, 2010
On Thursday, resident bald republican Scott DePace admitted he’d take a cock up the ass for $1 billion. “You give me a billion and you could fuck me in the ass,” Scott told Gary on The Wrap-up Show. Robin joked that Scott do it for $250,000. But Scott insisted it has to be a billion, nothing less. “A [...]
Continue reading...JD is taking Ashley Dupre to “Banana Shpeel” – he puts condoms on his feet
Thursday, March 4, 2010
JD will not be directing Ashley Dupre’s music video. Instead, he’s taking the $5,000 and treating her to dinner and a nice hotel. She should be used to that! “I believe we have chosen to go out next week in the city,” says JD, “I think New York.” Where else, Lilliput? Howard was impressed. “I thought you were a [...]
Continue reading...Abe “The Heartless” wins “cockaoke” – this is “American Cockoake Idol”
Thursday, March 4, 2010
“Cockoake” returned to the Stern Show today. Five unknown bands competed for a chance to have their music played on the show and win $5,000. And Sal got a bunch of guys to breathe on his cock. Howard called all five bands into the studio, none of them knowing the price of fame involved singing into Sal’s [...]
Continue reading...David Letterman has “pussy powers” – Howard is “fuck room” less
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Howard talked about a Vanity Fair article praising David Letterman’s ability to seduce chicks. Dave has serious mojo. “I was madly in love with him at the time,” a former intern told the magazine, “I would have married him. He was hilarious.” Howard was impressed. Who wouldn’t be! “Once you get around him [Dave], you got to fuck him,” [...]
Continue reading...“Mr. Skin’s 11th Annual Anatomy Awards” – it’s a “skin-tastic” event
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Creep master general Mr. Skin was in studio today to unveil the winners of Mr. Skin’s 11th Annual Anatomy Awards. Every year, Mr. Skin and his 30 employees—including his mother the “skin-turn”—pick the year’s best nude scenes in television and movies. Mr. Skin did not disappoint. Ashton Kutcher’s movie Spread won “Breast Picture” and took home the [...]
Continue reading...JD Polanski to “direct” Ashley Dupre’s “music” video
Monday, March 1, 2010
No man with $5,000 to spend has ever worked this hard to fuck a hooker—ever! Now the master plan is to direct a music video for her shitty music. “I believe we’ve agreed to do a music video,” says JD. But JD is still working on a “concept.” Let the ball busting commence! “Okay, in this scene you look [...]
Continue reading...Lisa Lampanelli bangs and makes pancakes – she’s dirtier than “two girls, one cup”
Monday, March 1, 2010
Lisa “Queen of Mean” Lampanelli dropped by today. She’ll be hosting a show tonight on Howard 101 at 7PM called “Dirty Dishes.” Dirty Dishes will cover pop-culture and includes a panel of fags and fag hags, namely Judith Regan and Frank DeCaro from OutQ. “The homos enjoy me,” Lisa told Howard, “I think the fags just like [...]
Continue reading...Beetlejuice has an iPhone app – he fucked Tiger’s wife with a nine-iron
Monday, March 1, 2010
The Beet was in studio today, promoting his new 3D talking bobble head iPhone app. But at first, Beetlejuice was missing in action. “We think he’s in the bathroom taking a shit,” said Doug Goodstein; the vaunted guest bathroom. Howard didn’t like that, so he yelled at Gary. “Come on that’s disgusting,” barked Howard, “You know Beetle shits [...]
Continue reading...Anti-smoking ads look like blow job ads – pisses people off
Friday, February 26, 2010
That’s how France discourages smoking. Its slogan reads, “Smoking is being a slave to tobacco.” More like, “I’m a back alley hooker who forgot to take the cigarette out of my mouth before I started sucking your cock. So don’t smoke cock. Uh, I mean cigarettes.” And the advertisers are unabashed. It’s supposed to look like oral [...]
Continue reading...Ex-New York sportscaster Marvell Scott accused of child rape
Friday, February 26, 2010
Marvell Scott, a fixture on Channel 7 news in New York, who left his sportscaster job to practice medicine, has been accused of raping a 14 year old hooker. He is said to have picked up the girl near Times Square, brought her back to his place, and fucked her. Marvell, a licensed physician, denies the crime, [...]
Continue reading...Tracy Morgan is going to be a big star – he had to call a crack head summit
Thursday, February 25, 2010
After defiling porn star Riley Steele, Tracy Morgan continued his assault on the Stern Show. Tracy stopped by to promote his new movie Cop Out opening Friday. It co-stars action hero Bruce Willis, so it’s a big break for Tracy. “I believe you’re going to get into a whole new level now,” Howard told Tracy. But Tracy is [...]
Continue reading...Riley Steele fucks and sucks as a teenager – Tracy Morgan works the Sybian — UPDATE — free trial to RileySteele.com
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Porn star Riley Steele was in studio today. Gary fell in love with her. “Most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen in porn,” he said. Everyone thought she was good looking enough to be a real model. But Howard thinks she’s perfect for porn. “It’s smart,” he insisted, “She’s going to be the top porn girl.” And Riley was [...]
Continue reading...Hilary Duff gets engaged – then gets down on her knees
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Now that’s a thank you! Here’s Hilary Duff getting engaged to her boyfriend hockey player Mike Comrie, and then showing her appreciation the best way she knows how. Hey, if you give someone a $1 million ring, they better suck your dick—and tongue your asshole too! Via Hollywood Crush.
Continue reading...“Intestinal tears” can’t stop Taryn Thomas – but her ass doesn’t “self lubricate”
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Taryn Thomas, who plays “Snooki” in Jersey Shore XXX, dropped by today to discuss the injury that nearly destroyed her ass, literally. “I hate to bring it up, because I know it’s a horrible memory for you,” says Howard, “But I think it’s important that women learn from this.” And Howard wanted Robin to pay close attention [...]
Continue reading...Pamela Anderson will “dance with the stars” – her body is still rockin’
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Last week, Pam Anderson strapped on that metallic bathing suit for designer Richie Rich to launch a new line of clothes called “A*Muse.” Say what you want about Pam getting up there in years, but that body still screams, “Fuck me!” And that night, Pam confirmed she’ll round out this year’s cast of Dancing With the [...]
Continue reading...JD needs a face transplant – no big money date with Ashley Dupre
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
JD is getting $5,000 from the new movie She’s Out of My League to take Ashley Dupre out on a dream date, but—surprise, surprise—he is totally clueless. “JD, what are you going to do with the $5,000, any thoughts?” Howard asked. Media Producer JD ran into the studio and replied, “We talked last night,” and, “She was [...]
Continue reading...Ellen Degeneres has big thick rubber balls and cock
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Howard attacked Ellen again today. It’s so awesome, classic Howard. He’s still pissed she tried to cock-block his job on American Idol. “She had to open her yap,” Howard seethed, “And for that I can never forgive, never!” Too bad Artie isn’t around, he would have broken into his Godfather impression. “I have heard too many reports of Ellen [...]
Continue reading...Wrap your dick with Lady Gaga condoms – no more bad romances
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Celebrities endorse products all the time, like that turd Ashton Kutcher and his Nikon camera. But Lady Gaga puts her money where her, uh, mouth is. In collaboration with designer Jeremy Scott, Lady Gaga is putting out a line of condoms, with proceeds from sales going to benefit Planned Parenthood. Gaga-doms will cum–err, come–in three styles: ribbed, [...]
Continue reading...New Miss Howard TV Destiny Dixon banged a chick at her prom – she has a “kitty ring”
Monday, February 22, 2010
Miss Howard TV Destiny Dixon was in studio today. Destiny is a web vixen and a motorcycle stunt rider. Oh fuck the motorcycle nonsense! Onto the important stuff. Destiny is 23 years old, fully shaved, does anal, and went from tiny A-cups to big ass D-cups. She does double-sided dildo penetration on her website; one end [...]
Continue reading...“Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant” coming March 10th – four girls on board
Monday, February 22, 2010
Tiger Woods’ own personal cums—err, comes—to a head March 10th. That’s when the “Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant” is going down. And today, Gary announced four of Tiger’s ex-lovers have signed on. My guess is two of them are the porn stars, guaranteed. Hobags!
Continue reading...Nintendo porn – she’s got two big fat controllers
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Yeah, I’d fuck her. Not the hottest chick on the planet, but a cute girl who plays video games—score! And if she’s got abandonment issues too, she’s perfect.
Continue reading...Tiger Woods’ public statement – “I’m sorry…leave my family alone”
Friday, February 19, 2010
Tiger Woods made his first public statement since his pussy filled scandal broke Thanksgiving night. No surprise. Huggy Bear Woods punked out; apologizing, asking paparazzi to back off his family, and saying he needs to return to his Buddhist roots. Buddhism? Every idiot gets religion when they fuck up. “I convinced myself that normal rules didn’t apply,” said [...]
Continue reading...Republican Nancy Elliott calls anal sex “wiggling” penis in doodie
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Okay, not entirely untrue, it happens. We’ve all experienced a blowout. But this conservative nut job wants to repeal gay marriage because—in her mind—it says to fifth graders that dirty filthy butt sex is normal. Something tells me this old bitch’s pussy has cobwebs in it. No word if Scott DePace endorses her for president. Via tosh.0.
Continue reading...Porn star says Tiger Woods got her preggo, twice!
Monday, February 15, 2010
Oh that Tiger Woods is a dirty boy. Tiger goes in raw. Porn star, and owner of two big fake ass titties, Joslyn James says she and Tiger used to fuck without protection all the time, and as a result of their risqué behavior, Joslyn got pregnant two times. One ended as a clot in the toilet [...]
Continue reading...Robin needs to bang “The Wolfman” – he’ll eat her pussies
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Lady Quivers needs a good hard fucking. Howard wants her to date The Wolfman, Benicio Del Toro. He’ll do a number on Robin. The Wolfman is a freak. “He’s a little nutty, he’ll sleep at your feet, literally,” Howard said, “He’ll eat your cats.” Robin replied, “I’ll have to put him in a cage every night.” “Leave it to [...]
Continue reading...Sal is Rick’s Cabaret’s biggest fan – must be better than the “booths”
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Sal “cuckold” Governale is a Rick’s Cabaret super fan. Most people go to McDonald’s or grab sushi for lunch. Not Sal, he grabs some tits–at least he wishes. Just like Ronnie “RickyMan” Mund, Sal is sex-addicted to Rick’s Cabaret. So there he is entering Rick’s in New York City, while his wife is at home being [...]
Continue reading...No Ashley Dupre pussy for JD – mumble, mumble, mumble
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Looks like JD’s nerd love with ex-hooker Ashley Dupre has died on the vine. She’s not calling or texting him back. “I check it for everyone else,” Howard said as Ashley, “When you call I don’t check my voicemail.” Fred busted JD’s balls, saying that JD isn’t getting “LOL” or “LMAO” from Ashley. She’s sending him “GTFA,” or [...]
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Wednesday, March 10, 2010
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